📅 Sunday, 3 May 2026 · No. 47

Called In for My Annual Review (She Is Judging Me)

🌿 Daily Logs · ✎ 4 min · by Azmi in Meknes

Azmi's note My personal log from Meknes, not vet advice. Just what I did and saw tonight.

She sat up straight like a tiny manager and stared. I have been called in for my annual review. Please take a seat, human. Let us discuss the hay budget. What follows is the official record of my performance review: role description, KPI ratings, manager comments, my responses, and the development plan. Personal comedy, not advice. The review is rigged, the manager is adorable, and I perform better under it.

Role: Human Resources (Hay Division)

Incumbent: me, three years in post. Reporting to: Her, supreme. Key responsibilities: hay procurement and timely top-up (twice daily, rack-first doctrine), water freshness (bowl line maintained), litter corner standards (daily shake, weekly wash), play facilitation (tunnel placement, zoomie clearance), cuddle availability (evenings, on demand). Review setting: the rug, 19:00, her sitting bolt upright (the posture that summons all reviews, spine straight, ears tall, gaze level). I sat opposite on the floor. No agents, no postponements. The tiny manager does not reschedule.

KPI ratings and manager comments

KPI	Rating	Manager comment (interpreted)
Treat delivery	Meets expectations	Parsley punctual; flower-head quality noted with approval
Cage cleaning speed	Needs improvement	Morning tidy too slow; stared at until complete
Belly rub technique	Under review	Two-minute probation; paw monitoring in effect
Hay budget	Below target	Does not earn enough hay (monthly report finding)
Statue stillness (lap duty)	Exceeds expectations	50-minute hand-hold sitting commended

Her monthly report arrived: I do not earn enough hay. The hay budget discussion ran long, rising flower-head consumption, premium parsley imports, zero revenue from the human. My defense (steady employment, nooit missed top-up) was heard in silence. Verdict: retained, barely. I slid a bunch of parsley across the desk. Review passed. Barely.

Development plan and closing

Agreed actions: cleaning speed drills (timer visible, target under 5 minutes), belly-rub technique workshops (nightly practice, feedback via purr), hay-budget overtime (weekend forage project approved). Follow-up: quarterly mini-reviews, same rug, same posture. Valued coworker status: retained, barely. The judging continues and honestly I perform better under it, tidy times fell 20% since review season started, parsley quality never higher. I slid the parsley across the desk and promised to improve cleaning speed. Signed: me, with a nose-print countersignature (hers, obtained by parsley). Next review: same time next year, expectations higher, manager unchanged. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Evidence session: exhibits A through C

Exhibit A: the hay receipt ledger, 26 sacks this year, flower-head premium tier, budget blown by March. Presented without shame. Exhibit B: the 50-minute hand-hold photograph, timestamped, submitted as proof of statue stillness exceeding expectations. Exhibit C: the cleaning-time log showing improvement from 8 minutes to 5 (drills work, manager circumspectly pleased). Cross-examination: on the belly-rub probation, I demonstrated technique on the spot, two minutes, monitored paw, purr achieved at 90 seconds. Probation extended anyway (standards). On the hay budget deficit, I proposed the weekend forage project: dandelion patch mapping, cost offset projections, risk assessment (dusty days). Approved in principle, parsley advance granted. The hearing lasted 40 minutes; the manager napped through the last 10 (ruling from a loaf position, legally binding).

Previous reviews: a short history

Year one review: meets expectations across the board, honeymoon ratings. Year two: cleaning speed flagged first time (the great April backlog, never repeated). Year three (this one): toughest yet, standards risen with tenure. Trend: the manager gets stricter as trust deepens, under-review items multiply precisely because the basics are assumed. I take it as compliment and parsley accordingly. Unofficial 360 feedback gathered: the vet rates me adequate (damning with faint praise, will improve treat transport), my wife rates me whipped (accepted), the rabbit rates me retained-barely (the only rating that counts). Next year’s goals already forming: sub-4-minute tidy, belly-rub mastery, hay-budget surplus via forage. The review never truly ends, it just recesses until the next upright sit. When she sits up straight, I sit up straighter.

Interdepartmental memo: the hay budget crisis

Finance committee convened (me, calculator, receipts). Findings: flower-head consumption up 40% year over year, premium parsley imports steady, waste down 15% thanks to the rack-first doctrine (silver lining filed). Cost offsets proposed: dandelion patch expansion (free, seasonal), stalk-toy crafting from leftovers (enrichment dividend), bulk buying with a fellow owner (negotiations open). Revenue side: zero, as always, the division runs on love and my salary. The manager reviewed the memo by sitting on it (approval by occupation). Implementation begins with the spring patch. Overtime authorized: weekend forage walks, basket included. The hay budget will balance through diligence and dandelions. Meeting adjourned for dinner (hers, promptly at 18:00, some deadlines are sacred).

Postscript from the parking lot (hallway): walking out, I heard the flop, the post-review collapse onto the tile that means contentment. Reviews that end in flops are reviews that worked. Annual review filed, parsley expensed, posture noted. Same time next year. I will be better by then; she will be stricter. That is the deal, and it is the best employment I have ever held.

Review closed, parsley filed.

Retained, barely, gratefully.

🐰

Written by Azmi

I track my rabbits' diet, weight and naps to see what works. Photos are mine, mess included. Say hi on the contact page.

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